I need help removing her.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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