having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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