Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
