I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
