She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
