I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
