I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
