I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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