then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
