I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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