??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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