her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
