They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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