Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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