So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
