she was so not down for the gang bang
if i died would you start the facebook group?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
