I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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