fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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