My nipple is on Facebook.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
