It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
