I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
