I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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