shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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