You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
