sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
