Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
