If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
