At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
