someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize