i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
