Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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