Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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