after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Bring me that man meat
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
