i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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