We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize