i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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