blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
