I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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