did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
