dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
