I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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