I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
