I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
