u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
