she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
