well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
