Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
