pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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