She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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