my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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