i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
