Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
