There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
