In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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