Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
