i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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