I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize