I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
