6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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