she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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