$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
