Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
