Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
