Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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