I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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