so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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