She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
