I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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