Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
