Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
